Lack of control

Ever feel that your entire life is running away from you?  I went to New York but ended staying longer than planned because I was interviewing people. Then I got sick while I was there and came back to PAP with flu, and it's taken a week to get over that. It feels like life has passed me by for the last two weeks, and I am not in control of what I do. There are so many things that need to be done, important meetings to attend, donors to see, contacts to make, and yet I can't do what I know I need to because other priorities or demands get in the way. Sometimes I feel that things are out of my control, and if you know me, you know that is not a comfortable situation for me!! I am someone who likes to be able to go with the flow, or to be spontaneous. Instead my life is mapped out weeks ahead, and then things happen to get in the way that I cannot control. So I have to accept my limitations. I can only do what I can do. I am not multi-handed, and cannot clone myself so I am in a hundred places at once! I am not God, so I am not omniscient or omnipresent. I am just me. So instead I focus on what's important: why I'm here, and what I can do to change the little part of the world I live in, and pray I don't screw it up!

When rain turns into a river...

I was out the other evening meeting with some NGO colleagues when out of the blue it started to rain. The rain was so heavy it was impossible to walk in. We managed to get into our car under cover to go home, but then we had to go up Delmas, the main street in PAP that runs from the port up to Petionville, where we live. It is a steep hill! It had only been raining for 15 minutes, and already Delmas had turned into a fast flowing river. It was pouring down, and was above the bottom the engine and halfway up the car even on 4x4s. Women got out plastic bags to cover their hairdos and weaves (a very common practice in Haiti and funny for those of us not used to it to see a woman walking around with a supermarket bag on her head!) So there we were driving up a deep river flowing very fast downhill. It seems the drainage trenches that used to exist were destroyed in the earthquake, so the water had nowhere else to go. Pretty soon cars were stuck and being abandoned, and I wondered if we would even get home. Then suddenly it stopped as quickly as it had started, though the river kept flowing. It was in a way fascinating to watch. But then all I could think about were the people living in their tents. They would be very wet, even if their plastic tarpaulins could withstand the force of the rain, and the vast wastelands they live on would have turned to mud. Some even had their "homes" collapse. Hurricane season is coming, and there is little hope for Haiti to avoid it. More misery awaits, as even the few belongings people have left will continue to get wet, damaged and destroyed. I live here and yet I have no concept of what it means to live like that. I can only be thankful, again, that I get to live in a house, and work even harder to raise the money and build the houses that these people need!

Devotions

In devotions this week, one of our Haitian staff members explained that it is being suggested that the earthquake is a result of God punishing Haiti for the sins of its past. For example voodoo has been a big tradition here, and the government has a history of corruption. According to Transarency International, Haiti is indeed the 10th most corrupt country in the world. Even now, INGOs are unable to get vehicles out of customs because the government wants to charge 40% tax and is delaying the paperwork while charging a daily rent for keeping the vehicles... So in the midst of disaster it is still depriving its people of what they need. But to suggest that God is somehow punishing Haiti by sending an earthquake is just wrong. I believe God is able to bring good out of terrible situations. There are thousands of people who have come here, many as volunteers, to try to make a difference, and are able to see just how extreme the poverty has been here. Haiti was the poorest country in the western hemisphere before this happened, but was so often ignored. People are finally recognising the great need in Haiti and that now is a chance to rebuild it into something better than before, and leave a legacy for its people. The point of the devotions was that God forgives sin completely when we ask Him, and that He does not then punish us for past mistakes. There are many Christian people in Haiti who have nothing left but to believe that God cares and can help them. Why would people try to take that away from them too?

Haitian Revolt

Today a strike was announced: "All of the workers that have lost their assets, those living from under the tents, must be given decent housing, their children must go to school and they must be offered financing to get back on their feet." It is completely understandable that people feel like that. Living in tents in torrential rain for the last few days would wear anyone down. Haitians have been living like that for months. To do so with thousands of other people, each tent containing an extended family, and not having enough to eat, cannot even be imagined by those of us who have not had to go through it. Two demonstrations were organised last week that came to nothing. This one seems to be gaining momentum, but again may come to nothing. They are demanding that President Preval act within 3 days to change the electoral system in order to have "non-fraudulent elections". The Haitians have a history of strikes, revolutions and overthrowing the government. Whether they have the energy to do so now is very difficult to predict. They have been very patient up to now, but it has to give sometime. Tearfund, like many other agencies, is working hard to give people transitional hurricane-proof shelters, but we are already into hurricane season, and it is an impossible task to provide them for everyone soon enough. We must hope that whatever we do makes a difference, and pray that no big hurricanes hit an already devastated country this year.

Back in Haiti

I have been back in Haiti for 2 weeks now, and am beginning to understand the changes that have taken place as a result of the earthquake. As someone who lived and worked here for a year before the earthquake happened, it is easy to see some changes, but others are hidden much deeper. I can see the devastation in terms of buildings, rubble, and seas of blue tarpaulin that make up people's tents. I can see how little people have as whole extended families live on a patch of ground 2m by 3m. I can see the dirt and dust, more of it than before, and people washing in the street trying to maintain whatever dignity they can. What is harder to see is the bewilderment as they wonder if this is how they will live forever, and the sense of hopelessness as they try just to get enough food for each day. Many people seem lost. Some think this is the end. And yet there is real hope: the pride in staff as they work, wanting to do the best job they can; the smile that lights up a child's face as I pass by; knowing that whatever I do may be so little, but it better than doing nothing at all. Haiti has changed beyond recognition, but my job here now is to bring hope and to do what little I can that will change someone's life for the better. I am glad to be here!